Let it Snow....Let it Snow....2nd Edition

   Well, ladies and gents, Christmas has come and gone, if you can even call it that!  Rather than what I had hoped for.....

 We had something more like this....

     WHAT THE FREAK?!!  Seriously, how is it supposed to be Christmas without snow?  The time with family is wonderful, the mountains of food divine, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SNOW?!! Without it, the day just feels like any normal day, which was especially true because this year Christmas was on a weekend, so we didn't even get the satisfaction of skipping out on work one day.

     So what do we do now? Well, in and of it all, there was consolation for me, but at the same time anguish...  Here is what my wife got me for my Christmas present...

     Heck yes!!! Like I had mentioned in "Let it Snow" (First Edition), I hoped to get a snowmobiling helmet, AND HERE IT IS!!  I don't think anyone could tell I was excited or anything, I just wore it around the house every moment that I could. Changing into some comfy clothes after church....Wearing the helmet. Changing the baby and getting him ready for bed....wearing the helmet.  Cooking breakfast....wearing the helmet.  Getting ready for bed...wearing the helmet.  Taking a shower....not wearing the helmet. (Of course! What, do you think I'm crazy or something? Don't answer that.)
     In my elation, I was stalled when the thought hit me, "You need snow to snowmobile, ergo until that time, your helmet is nothing more than a really cool hat that makes you look like a loony."  THERE is where the anguish sank in.  Christmas day was more like a day in early spring, with the sun shining, the sky clear and blue, and the temperature warm enough to comfortably go outside without a coat.  With one scheduled snowmobile trip coming up in less than a month, the clock is ticking, and a bit uncomfortably as well.  Unless Mother Nature intends on making up for lost time within the next two or three weeks, which would be AWESOME, the snowmobiling trip is going to be changed to a nice springtime-like hike in the mountains, where I will, I assure you, still wear my helmet. :)
     So what do we do about this?  Well, who here remembers the video posted on the First Edition of "Let it Snow?"  Anyone? Anyone?..........................Bueller?  Bueller?  Here, I'll give you a hint....

     Or I will just put the video in this edition as well. :) You're welcome.  Well...........................to appease the heathen gods of the snow and snowmobiling world, Precipitous Frigidous and Yamahalicus Maximus, we need to play this video every day, repeatedly if necessary, until we are blessed with snow!  Some may say, "But Crazyphace, the video features riders on Polaris and Arctic Cat sleds! Won't the mighty Yamahalicus be angered?"  Never fear oh ye of little faith, Yamahalicus is no respecter of sleds, but a gracious host of the snomobiling community and all those who share the interest.  The more people to join in, the more likely the gods will be pleased! So spread the word! "Come one, come all!" and let's rally to get that much-needed snow!  If you don't like snow, still spread the word, there may be someone out there you know who likes it, and don't go playing some summertime video or something, that will just make fog. (Bad joke, moving on!)  Now let us sing the praises of the provider of precipitation and the the protector of sled pilots:

We are all enlisted till the snow starts to fall,
Anxious are we, anxious are we.
Hoping for a snowstorm to bless one and all,
We shall wear our snow gear by and by.

Quick to our snow sleds, fast on the field,

When you reach trees be sure that you yield.
Stand by our trailers, sleds packed away,
We're anxiously, anxiously, waiting for the snow-oh.

We are all enlisted till the snow starts to fall,
Anxious are we, anxious are we.
Hoping for a snowstorm to bless one and all,
We shall wear our snow gear by and by.

Lookie At the New Room!

      Once upon a time we decided that we wanted to re-do our room.  We had made a promise to each other that if I could decorate my office any way that I wanted, she could decorate the rest of the house however she would like. Obviously this was no gamble because Brittany excels at everything that she does.
      So off to the store we went in hopes of having a room with a rose and black and white color scheme to it.  We even found an awesome picture of one of Brittany's favorite actresses to put into the modernesque theme of the room.  We were soooooooo excited to start and got straight to work, painting and arranging long into the night hours.
      Well, rose color ended up being more the color of Pepto Bismol.  Me being color-blind though, it was kind of fun because sometimes the room was light blue and sometimes it was bubble gum pink.  In any case, we decided recently that the look of Bubble Yum was not quite our thing, so we went with a change.
       I wanted to be able to show Brittany that I could do the new room remodel on my own, more as a gift to her that just a general re-do of a re-do of our room.  So the work started out and I originally was tempted to be lazy and just paint the room and have Brittany help me do all the furniture arranging the next morning.  The last time that I had looked at the clock, it was 3:40 a.m. and I had just barely laid down the finishing coat of paint.  I made the decision to be better than I would have normally been and worked even longer into the night, well morning, to finish the arranging of the furniture and put the new bedding on.  It was soooooo much fun when I woke Brittany up and asked her to "check the paint job" that I had done.  When she came into the room, it was priceless.  She had to rub her eyes a few times, both to focus them as well as convince herself of what she was actually seeing.  Here are a few pictures of the work and the final product:

 The work begins...

Pepto bismol...

 Our new sanctuary, we love it.

Let it Snow...Let it Snow....LET IT SNOW!!!

     Okay, so I admit the majority of these posts so far have been more on the negative, whiny side of the spectrum, which I didn't necessarily intend, but at the same time am happy that I wrote them to use this blog to its upmost potential when it comes to being my outlet.  Additionally, it can't be all that fun to be reading things from the deepest, darkest, dustiest corners of the mind of a Crazyphace, so we will jump to something a little more fun.
     Well, it's winter time and it is so funny to hear everyone complain about how cold it is and how they wish it was warmer.  I do sympathize for my little brother Nathan who just got home from his mission in Africa last week because I can only imagine how much just the temperature change has been a shock to him.  However, while everyone else is complaining about how cold it is, I don't think it is cold enough! New York winters turned me into a crazy person when it comes to cold. I can't explain it, but I LOVED all the days I spent out tracting in -40 degree temperatures.  I can't explain why, but my favorite feeling is a nice warm body in a coat or sleeping bag and the cold air on my face.  I love the bite at the tip of my ears in the cold that feels like they are being pinched by pliers.  Call me crazy, and I will agree, but the one thing that I love most about the cold is the snow.  I love it especially around the Christmas season when the earth looks so clean and fresh covered in a blanket of snow and everything seems to be matching up to a perfectly cliche Christmas. (Sadly, we are still waiting for that this year :P).  However, the thing I love MOST about the snow is this...

and this...

     Oh yeah! Snowmobiling!!!  I have to admit, my first impression of the sport was somewhat sub-par.  The details are sketchy, but I remember that I was young, no more than ten or so and my family went up to Daniel's Summit with a group of people, probably a bunch of people from my dad's company, and the group did a ride on a trail with snowmobiles.  Well, I remember being so nervous that I felt like I was going to throw up at any moment, which wasn't helped when I heard a couple of the guides talking about one portion of the trail where one side of it was a several hundred-foot drop off.  Yeah, thanks a lot guys.  Then I got put on the back of a snowmobile of someone who I didn't even know and the only thing I remember about the whole trip was feeling like I was going to die and screaming "Slow down!!" like a little girl, but my voice being drowned out by the sound of the engine.  I don't remember the status of my pants after the entire trip was over, but it wouldn't surprise me if they were in need of a change.

     Now, flash forward another ten or eleven years or so and I am now on my first trip of the annual Ewell family winter getaway trip over President's Day weekend.  Part of it includes spending a whole day out snowmobiling.  What with my one and only prior experience with snowmobiles, I'm sure anyone could guess that I wasn't feeling too up to the challenge.  Well, it was fun, but being an amateur on a fairly under-powered sled, I got stuck in the snow a lot, (mostly due to my own confidence issues).  It was far more enjoyable than what I remembered as the screaming little wuss from years before.

     Flash forward another year and now I am at the next year's winter getaway, but something is different.  My brother-in-law Kyle has rented more of these sleds:

     Ladies and Gentlemen, the Yamaha FX Nytro.  Ballsiest piece of equipment I have ever ridden, (well, maybe minus the Yamaha R6 bullet bike I helped put into storage on my mission...).  Kyle himself is a man who knows no fear.  If he thinks he can ride up that hill, or take that jump, or blast through a cluster of trees at breakneck speeds, he will freaking do it.  That year, riding the Nytros, I was HOOKED FOR GOOD!  I can't get enough of it now and I find myself wishing like a little schoolboy that I get a snowmobile helmet for Christmas.  I have soooooooooo much fun going out with Kyle and the family on excursions with these powerful toys!  I'm still far within the range of "Freaking Amateur" but I dream to be able to ride like this:

     First of all, the song on this trailer rocks!  Next, it is just so hard to explain how freaking cool these guys are with the amount of skill they have riding like this.  There is just this inexplicable exhileration that comes with cranking the throttle of an 1100 cc engine and just gliding through the deep powder of the mountains like you were bobbing along on clouds.  Falling off isn't too bad either considering landing on a cloud isn't a rough gig.  I remember watching the precursor to the video above, Schooled 2 with Kyle at his house one night before we went out on a ride and just drooling at the completely perfect terrain these guys were riding on and the immense amount of skill they displayed.  I felt like I could have just jumped on a sled right then and rode like a pro. (I actually proved that wrong the next day going off a little jump and smacking my face against the handlebars of the sled.  Thank goodness for full-face helmets). 

     Now, I try to "convert" everyone to snowmobiling and try to tell them of how amazing an experience it is.  I'm not talking about trail riding either, but blasting through clean, untouched powder deep enough to bury several snowmobiles without a trace.  Free-styling to the max and just taking in the nature and the beauty all around.  I also think of how thankful I am for Kyle and how understanding and patient he is with me on our rides together.  By comparison, he's Evil Kinevel when I am like Adam Sandler in "The Waterboy" trying to work up the courage to take a small, calculated risk and do something like sidehill or try to get a little air off of a bump in the snow and ending up getting stuck beyond anyone's comprehension.  With this new passion, I find myself just wishing and hoping for snow to come to make everything look more Christmas-y and to put down more and more powder in the mountains so Kyle and I can go tear it up all day in the woods.  So,  just as the song says:  "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"

The Top 10 Stupid Phrases that are NOT "Silver Bullets" when Speaking to Customer Service (Despite Popular Belief)

            I work, unfortunately, in a customer service capacity where every day is packed full of angry, childish, illogical lunatics who demand the impossible and get even more angry when
they are faced with the logic of the situation and discover how big of a moron they are
being.  Whomever was responsible for the phrase, "The customer is always right," should have
been killed long before they ever uttered those destructive words.  Now, people are under the
false ideal that because they are a customer, all they have to do is demand something be done
and we are supposed to do it for them, unfortunately for them, and specifically true in the
department that I work, the customer is DEAD WRONG and is so the large majority of the time.
            With this in mind, there seems to be a common underlying thought process these people have which seems to support that if they say a specific phrase or demand, suddenly we, as
customer service, will suddenly change what policy we have been following and give them
exactly what they want, no matter what.  It's as if they think there is a secret phrase which
will allow special access to our "hidden menu" of service options.  Unfortunately for them,
all they end up doing is making themselves sound like even bigger idiots.  Here's the list of
assumed proverbial "silver bullets" these people try to use:

1. "I am a loyal customer, I own tons of your products!"
    -Well, whether you own 1 product or 1 million, it doesn't change the fact that the
product you are calling about has not had a warranty for over a year.  There is no special or
secret menu of options for someone who is dumb enough to buy from the same manufacturer
repeatedly even after having a string of bad luck with the products.

2.  "If I don't get what I want, I am going to return this product!"
    -Good for you! The only problem is, the store you bought this thing from has a limited
return or refund policy, which is usually only about 14 days.  Now that you are outside of
that time frame, let's just say you're screwed when it comes to trying to return it.

3.  "You know what I'm going to do?! I'm going to tell all my friends on Facebook and through my blog and everyone in my community NOT to buy your products! And they'll listen!!"
    -Yup, this one stings pretty bad. (Too bad the sarcasm can't be properly represented
through text) Whoopty-do, you are going to go rave to everyone you know that we aren't going
to repair your product because you damaged it in a way that the warranty won't cover.  Why
don't you actually put it that way when you go batty on your Twitter, Facebook, or Blog
account and see how many people actually take you seriously.  Furthermore, do you honestly
think that your handful of lemmings will affect the gross profit of a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR, GLOBAL company?  It's cute that you think of yourself as that important, though with you justifying that people will allegedly listen, I have a feeling you really don't believe that
yourself.

4. "Let me talk to your supervisor!!"
  -Guess what? Whether you want to believe it or not, the decision or explanation the
service representative is giving you is according to COMPANY POLICY OR PROCEDURE!  This isn't someone personally spiting you because you are acting like a raging lunatic (though it
doesn't help your argument at all).  As such, do you honestly think that a CORPORATE policy
is going to be trumped by this rep's supervisor?  Also, do you really think that if you
threaten to speak to their supervisor that the rep will change their mind like they have been
holding out on you until you got belligerent enough to demand their supervisor?  That's like
a someone trying to get another kid to smoke and when they say, "I don't smoke, my parents
told me not to," and the provoker saying, "Well let me talk to your parents then!"  I'm
pretty sure you're not going to get anywhere fast with that approach.  Luckily, where I work,
the supervisor's don't take calls, which customers constantly claim they refuse to believe,
which is a good segue into #5...

5. "I don't believe that!" or "That's unacceptable!"
  -I love this one.  For some reason people use this phrase like they do #4 or really any of the phrases listed or to be listed; like if they say it the customer service rep will suddenly chuckle and say, "Nah, I was just joking! It was a test! Let me get your electronic device replaced because you were dumb enough to drop it in your pool and the warranty doesn't cover that!"  Unfortunately, if you don't believe it or don't like it, it doesn't change the fact that what you've been told is true.  These reps have no reason to, and get nothing out
of lying to you, well, except more time on the phone as you rant and rave like an angry
gorilla.

6. "I want to talk to someone else!"
  -This one is very similar to #5, just because one person told you something you don't want
to hear doesn't make it any less true, or that another rep in the same department isn't going
to tell you THE EXACT SAME THING!!!  Every rep works for the same company, all following the same company rules and policies.  Customer service representatives aren't just hired off the street, sit down in front of a computer and phone and told, "Well, just make it up as you go!"  Even more damning to the customer's argument, just about every Customer Service
department out there records notes on a case or some sort of report that can be traced in
that department.  Does this customer think that they can call in and get a different answer
from someone else in the same department when they can simply look up the customer's
information and see that they have already been told "no?" Keep trying Mr. Customer, and know

 that everyone in Customer Service is laughing at you every time you call in trying to get a
different answer to the same question/demand.  We call you a "Serial Caller," and you are a
new inside joke to that service department.

7. "I'll never buy your products EVER AGAIN!"
  -Closely connected with #3, do you honestly think that this will reduce the representative
whom you are talking to into a blubbering puddle of humble pleading and begging you to
continue to be a customer?  Think of the comparison again as outlined in #3, but on an even
grander scale now that instead of a handful of people, it's just one person not buying one
product from a GLOBAL, MULTI-BILLION dollar company.  To illustrate, the effect of that would be about as significant as someone taking a grain of sand off of a beach and thinking it will cause a hole that extends to the other end of the globe. Go ahead, don't buy another one of
the products, that is actually good, then Customer Service won't ever have to talk to you
again. :D

8. "I'm not getting any satisfaction!" or "I'm not satisfied!"
  -Hey, here's a question for you: "Where in the title of the department does it say that
this is the 'Customer Satisfaction' division?"  Oh right, NOWHERE!  Just like all the other
phrases, just because you are not satisfied doesn't mean that what is being offered or done
is not the utmost that the company can do.  Again, the rep isn't going to chuckle, say they
were kidding, and offer you the "real" options that are available to you.  Satisfied or not,
if you have to send your practically new product in for a repair, that's what has to be done.
Whether you think it's fair or not that you can't get a free repair because your product
warranty expired just a month ago, it doesn't change the fact that there's no warranty
covering your product.  Again, this is not a bunch of hobos off the street just free-styling
on every call, it is trained representatives making decisions as per the COMPANY'S POLICY!
This isn't the "Customer Satisfaction Department," deal with it.

9.  *Any sob story or hard-time tale they can think of/make up or pull the "position card"*
  -Okay, so this one isn't a phrase as it is more a lot of phrases and a LOT of wasted time
on phone calls.  People think that if they tell their life story of hardship, family death,
sickness, bankruptcy, and anything else that they can think up is going to be the difference
between getting what they want and getting what the company can do.  So you got cancer, ran
over your own dog, lost your left nostril, and got married to your mother when drunk in Vegas
holds absolutely no claim on whether the repair on your product will take 1 day or 1 month.
Sure, you sound like a PERFECT Dr. Phil special or story for Make A Wish, but it has no
effect on your product warranty coverage terms.  In connection with sob stories, people try
to pull what I call "the position card."  These people are the ones who indirectly demand
through what they say that they should get what they want because of who they are, or
specifically what profession they hold.  Here are the top offenders:
  I-Doctors
  II-Lawyers
  III-Self-Employed Persons
  IV-Soldiers

            Doctors and lawyers: Who cares that you make butt-loads of money saving people's lives or twisting the law to benefit your client into escaping charges, whether guilty or not.  So you
make a billion dollars a second, guess what, you aren't any more important than Joe Schmoe
who makes ten grand a year as a Zamboni driver for the Special Olympics.  The warranty is the
same for both of your products, and trying to put yourself on a pedestal above everyone else
just because of your profession does nothing more than make you look like an even bigger
jerk.
            Self-Employed persons: You are part of an elect few who were brave and fortuitous enough to
venture out into the unknown and use your own funds and assets to begin a business.
Especially in a struggling economy, this is a very big gamble and you are commended for that.
HOWEVER, trying to say that your computer, phone, or whatever product is the one and only
thing that keeps your business running and the income flowing does a couple of
things...Nothing in regards to speeding any repair on your product and makes you look like a
moron.  If you are smart, capable, brave enough to start a business on your own, and this
business is the sole way you survive, wouldn't you have some contingency plans?  Products
aren't perfect and if you place your entire existence and income on ONE piece of imperfect
equipment, you are simply ASKING for trouble.  You were really dumb enough to keep all your
records and business in only ONE PLACE?  You don't keep multiple records, both electronic and paper and do everything possible to make sure you cover your butt a million times over?  I'm
inexperienced when it comes to the world of entrepreneurship, however wouldn't it make sense
to try to account for every possible scenario and prepare for it if you are putting your
"bread and butter" on the roulette table that is this economy? Sure, you can't plan for
everything, but just about anyone could tell you that resting everything you have or could
have in the hands, or circuitry of ONE SINGLE thing is just stupid.  If you really ARE taking
such a huge and irresponsible risk, maybe you aren't cut out for running a business.
            Soldiers:  This is the one that gets me most of all. NONE of what I am about to say is
meant to demean anyone who serves or has served in the armed forces in any way.  To be
honest, I envy them as being a soldier has been a very, very personal dream of mine.  There
is a sense of pride that a soldier is supposed to be entitled to, knowing that their voluntary, or even their drafted service did something, either small or big, to support the safety and freedoms of this country.  I hold a deep gratitude for soldiers and their service, especially those soldiers of whom I am personally acquainted.  Due to my engrained respect and admiration for these men and women, frustration and disappointment come at a more painful impact here.  Shame on you soldiers who act like because of the service you have provided, you are entitled to tell anyone, especially Customer Service reps, what to do?  Even more so, SHAME ON YOU for trying to make it sound like because you aren't getting what you want, that representative is disregarding and disrespecting the service you have provided or are providing to this country!  Whether you took a million bullets and pieces of shrapnel in the line of duty protecting the U.S. or were a floor scrubber for the barracks, you are no different than the next person when it comes to the coverage of a warranty or the policies of a company.  Sure, you can get discounts at Denny's or practically anywhere, but when it comes to the hard, simple coverage or policies of a company, you have no special privileges.  This is nothing against you or your service, it is just the way it is, and STOP MAKING IT SOMETHING THAT IT IS NOT.  If there is ever a time that I do not respect a soldier, past or present, of the United States Armed Forces, it is when they try to use their profession as a bargaining chip to make themselves "more special" than anyone else.  What you do in your job may have much more impact on this world or this nation than the janitor down the street, but that DOES NOT make you any more important than them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE STUPID PHRASE OF ALL TIMES.....

10. "I'M GOING TO SUE!" or "I'M CALLING MY LAWYER!!"
            -As it can be deduced, where I work, I primarily deal with people who are mad that they
aren't getting what they want.  So, with that in mind, how is it that these people think that
they have a valid legal case with that type of approach?  They are worse off than all the fat
people trying to sue fast food joints for "making them fat."  (No one put the food in your
mouth morons!)  Now, practically all of the time these people make this threat in the heat of
the moment, thinking that customer service will just change their mind and cower in fear at
the threat of a lawsuit, but let's break it down for these people....First of all, what do
you think your lawyer is going to say when you call them up and say that you want to sue a
global company merely on the basis that they are not providing what you want because their
warranty doesn't cover it?  I'll put it in perspective:  What would your lawyer say if you
called them up and you tried to say that you were going to sue the city, state, or nation
because the police were going to arrest you because you were caught breaking the law?  If
your lawyer is gracious enough, they will laugh themselves into hysterics after they have
kindly ended the phone call with you after telling you they couldn't help you.  Also, here is
another consideration:  Consider what has been mentioned in some degree previously... If your
lawyer was dumb enough to try to make a case out of something that stupid, it would be you
and him against an infinitely large company with the funds and means necessary to squash you into oblivion.  In fact, this HUGE company probably has an entire building full of corporate lawyers sitting around brainstorming ways they can destroy you in a legal case and make it as painful as possible to you.  With that in mind, customer service reps would BEG you to even try to do something that foolhardy knowing that you are an ant pitted against a nuke. You've got no chance.

            So, do you want to calm down, consider the logical options, and act like an adult or make yourself remembered eternally as a complete idiot?  I've often wondered what would happen if I started a company that recorded these "choice" phone calls and then sent a copy of that call to the customer some time later so they can listen to it and realize how they sounded like a complete d-bag.