At 10:07 tonight your daddy got a slap in the face when his phone alarm went off and he and your mommy realized that you were now officially one year old! Time flies faster than I can even imagine, and the most prominent indicator of that is you.
I remember my earliest memory of you. You had come at a time when we needed you most. Your mommy and daddy had a heart-shattering experience just months before when you had decided that then wasn't quite the time you needed to come be with us. Well, you were back again and this time when we went to the doctor's office, I was more nervous than anything I could ever explain! You were just as old as you were the first time we had an ultrasound, and the only thing that I could think of was how I desperately hoped that we didn't have to suffer through another soul-crushing loss. Well, long story short, there you were, a little spot on a screen accompanied by the little "swish, swish, swish," of your heartbeat on the monitor! You were there, and you were okay!!! From that moment on, your mommy and I were waiting in ecstatic anticipation for you to come into this world and meet us. That moment, you were officially our little Jack-Jack, and we could hardly wait for you.
As you got bigger and bigger in your mom's belly, we prepared more and more for you. We got all sorts of little clothes for you, painted your room, and got all of your furniture ready and set up. (Your daddy still doesn't like all the little parts it takes to put together a crib, but would do it a million and a trillion times more for you). We even had your name all picked out, Jack Ryan Kenner, it just fit, and it was just as perfect as was the little angel growing inside mommy.
More time passed and you got bigger and bigger and mommy's body had a little bit of trouble keeping up with how fast you were growing and she had to spend a lot of time in bed, and the closer you came to coming, she even had to spend some time in the hospital. During all of this, we wondered if mommy would be able to handle having any more little ones, so we decided that if you were to be our one and only little boy, we would have to make sure you had a family name. Jack Ryan was soooooooooooooo perfect though, we just couldn't think of any way that we could make it better. Then it came to us. We didn't have to change or get rid of our Jack Ryan, we just added a little daddy in there to complete the equation, Jack Christopher Ryan, and that was that. Just when we thought it couldn't get any more perfect, we were very pleasantly surprised.
I remember that day, a year ago when we knew it was gonna be your time to meet us. It was early in the morning and the doctor came in and got the ball rolling so mommy could give birth. I thought it was going to be all chaos and craziness from that point like all the movies show, but it really wasn't. We watched a movie, took a nap, had some lunch, and just sat around and wondered how everything was going to be. A little while later everything started to get more and more crazy by the minute as you began your entrance into this world.
On April 9th, 2011 at 10:07 p.m. you were here, and mommy and daddy's world was turned upside-down, but in a good way. After chasing after you to the NICU and seeing them hook you up to machines to help you breathe, I remember just being in a state of shock, I couldn't really believe that you were finally here! Laying down that night on a horribly uncomfortable chair/bed, feeling like I had just run a thousand miles, I remember wondering how things were going to be now that you were here, all 5 pounds, 7 ounces of you.
The following weeks weren't so easy, for me or your mommy. You had to stay in the NICU for two whole weeks before you could come home. Mommy was a champion and came to the hospital every day and made sure that you had plenty of milk to drink and that you ate right on time. I remember the times where I could only see you for a few minutes between school and work every evening after mommy had gone home to rest. You were in a little isolette to keep you warm as you grew and grew and I remember the heart-wrenching feeling I felt when all I could do was look at you through the glass, not even get to hold you or even touch you. No mommy or daddy should EVER have to go through that. Two weeks of wondering if you were ever really going to be ours, when you could come home and really be our little boy and when we could really be your mom and dad.
I remember the call that I got from your mom the day they said we could take you home. I ran out of work an sped home so we could come get you. It seemed like an eternity waiting in the NICU before they let us put you in your new little carseat and drive home with you for the very first time. It was hard to believe that you were finally going home! We were finally able to have you to ourselves! I remember looking back into the back seat and seeing your carseat and just feeling totally amazed and in shock that in that seat was our "little bean," our Jack-Jack. I remember wondering what each day would hold with this new little life in our care, and as you grew and grew remember wondering what your first word was going to be, how you were going to look, sound, and be.
Nothing could have prepared your mommy and daddy for the incredible angel you turned out to be. Every little noise, quirk, look, and grin you give just melts our hearts. We couldn't be more proud of our little boy and how he has grown in leaps and bounds compared to the little preemie we took home with us just one year ago. Your daddy looked at all the blog posts your mommy published online for each month since you have been born and trying not to cry while he was at work. My have you grown and grown! You do so much now and your little personality is far bigger than even the little chunk-munka body it is contained in. I LOVE how you know, and we can tell that you know, who exactly your mommy and daddy are and that they are irreplaceable to you. I love how there are times where only your mommy can make you grin, and even times when only your daddy can make you happy and even more for the times that we can see that you can only be happy when we are both there with you. Your little voice is just the sweetest to hear, early in the morning when you wake up for a moment to talk yourself back to sleep, or when you are sitting in the back seat of the car shouting, "Da Da!" like I won't get the message unless you let the whole world hear.
Looking back on this year, little Jack, there is NO WAY in this world that I ever could have imagined that life would have played out like this with you, and I can't say that it could have been any better. You are a blessing far beyond anything that your mommy and I can describe and every night our prayers flow with gratitude for you and everything that you are to us. We love you Jack-Jack, we always have and always will with a love that will never change except to grow stronger. Looking back on this year in disbelief of all that has been, I find myself marveling at the prospect of what is to come in the next year, and the anticipation of sharing it as a FAMILY.
Happy Birthday our little Jack Christopher Ryan Kenner. May you always know and feel the love and admiration that your mom and dad have for you, and may you never doubt it either. Even more so, just like your grandpa Kenner said to your daddy when he was younger, "promise me that you will never get too big to give your dad hugs," and I will add to not get too big to give your mommy kisses. You are our world, our life, our little angel forever.
Love, Forever and Always,
Daddy
